I had this overwhelming need to help others. Helping others meant I didn’t have to actually help myself or even address the fact I needed help. I’ve achieved several degrees and certifications that I thought would solve the inner challenge and pain inside that felt like it was always nagging me to do more and it be extra focused on how I could I can help everyone because I have all the certifications to do so. Do you know what happens when you keep acquiring more knowledge and skills and never start using them? Absolutely nothing happens. You acquire more debt, time, and life spent pursing and never giving it to others because you believe you just need one more and then you’ll be complete. One more and then you’ll be ready to start something. One more and then you’ll be able to help everyone because you really know everything.

Then you get a position at a job that you think you’ll be able to do that with and guess what? The people you work for were intimated by your knowledge and consistently undermined you to the point of not thinking you’re even good enough. They saw your potential and were as excited as they were scared of you. And your self esteem was so fragile and lacking that you didn’t want them to feel bad so you played down, accepted less money than you were worth, worked harder with no acknowledgement, and then stayed enduring the abuse of others power struggles because you were too scared to be great. There were so many excuses that allowed you to stay.

My kids go to school close by. We live close. It’s not that bad. They don’t mean to be assholes; they’re just stressed out too. What will happen to the staff that do respect and look to you for guidance? I can’t afford to leave today because my other business hasn’t taken off. I can make extra money doing a contract job at the same company being paid as an employee. And then there’s all the other reasons you’ve still not decided to be great.. I am coaching a team and it’s cause I care; but low key I kind of need the money now. I keep teaching lasses yoga classes at other places because I’m scared to leave. The story called your current life sounds so good you are not sure what you would do if you had to change your whole story and be great. Your hardships weren’t hard enough for you because you keep doing the same things. The pain isn’t enough apparently because your tolerance is so intense that you just keep taking it and complaining.